Getting a PhD is Tough

So, this may seem like an obvious realization to everyone but myself, but I didn't realize until recently just how hard getting a PhD is. I have always loved school and to be honest, my first 3 years of my PhD didn't seem too bad. I mean, I worked really hard but everything seemed manageable. I could write three different 20 page papers at the end of a semester on 3 unique topics (or related ones from a different angle) and I actually enjoyed doing this. Definitely contributing to this is the fact that my grades were all pass/fail, I loved (mostly) the courses that I took, and especially (most) of the professors- particularly my adviser. I could never understand why people could never finish their PhDs. In our department, when I arrived, we had several "advanced" graduate students- "advanced" meaning that they had been there longer than 5 years and didn't want to admit just how long it was taking them. Many of them are still "advancing" 4 years later. But, I finally understand why they are advanced- because a dissertation is TOUGH. I didn't think that it was too hard to prepare for my area portfolios (GACs as they call them at Brandeis) nor did I think that my dissertation proposal was too hard to write (mainly, because I had been developing the concept for 3 years). But, a few months shy of a year working solely on my dissertation, I have concluded that it is really hard.

How is it hard? Firstly, it is a ton of research to do. I have already analyzed over 500 newspaper articles and need to analyze 500 more before I am done. Besides all of that work, there are so many journal articles and books on the subjects to read, decide if their information is applicable, and how it fits into my research. Secondly, the writing component. Not only do I have to know this information, but I have to present it in a coherent manner that is understandable to all, yet makes a unique contribution. Finally, one of the hardest parts is staying motivated. April for some reason was very rough for me. I became extremely discouraged because I felt that I wasn't being as "productive" as I should be. My friend Amy who is getting her PhD at Brandeis in English and Comparative literature put it best as "You are doing all this work, but you have nothing to show for it". That is exactly how I feel. I have completed over 70 type written pages, yet I still do not have a completed chapter. Those 70 pages, to me, doesn't seem to reflect the amount of knowledge that I have amassed over the past few years. Thank-goodness for my wonderful William and his logical nature. I complained to him about how discouraged I was because I only was able to get barely 2 written pages done in a day, and he made me feel much better about the whole situation. There are still 7 months before the draft of my dissertation is due (in January) and so if I did 2 pages a day I would have over 400 pages done. The other question everyone asks is how long does my dissertation have to be. There is no minimum page limit; however, my masters thesis was 88 pages and so I would hope that my dissertation would be at least twice as long so I generally say "several hundred pages". I love that my husband can help to bring me back into perspective about things.

Don't worry- I am going to finish my dissertation. My motivation has returned over the past few days with approval of my revised newspaper sampling strategy from my adviser so I have been hard at work gathering articles and am ready to continue coding tomorrow. I feel very naive for not fully realizing until now that getting a PhD is hard. I told my mom this and she said "That's why not many people do it"- so I guess they knew what I just barely learned. But, there's no way I'm turning back now. And the things that are hard make you stronger, so I guess I will be an "Academic Gladiator" by the time this is over :-)